War… war never changes.
Except when it does. But not when it doesn’t. You might remember me from last time around. My name is Daryl, and I’m a man on a mission. Ten years ago, before my battle in the Kuiper belt, I may have told you a long story that was a lie before telling you the truth. I’m not gonna do that again. My mission in life is to be more direct in getting to the point.
Just kidding :)
On the day of my battle with the Flabnarks, two terrible things happened. The first is that I stubbed my toe getting in my spaceship. The third is that Death found my home address. And the second? Oh, the second is that my Flabnarkian love was killed. By cancer. A bullet from one of my cancer guns hit her ship, killing her instantly. No amount of juggling can make me forget how much I loved her. But cheap chinese goods and powdered sugar can, so that’s how my war spoils have been spent.
You thought that was true? Because it wasn’t. Except for the caencer bullet part and killing my girlfriend. Also the war part. My mission in life is to find my mission in life, and also make up compelling backstories. Sometimes that means making fake missions in life.
The truth is so much worse. Juggling actually did make me forget my girlfriend, and now I’m single and not even grieving. That’s where my sister comes in. Even though I hadn’t talked to her in years, I knew she could help me. Remember, she’s seen every woman in the world, and knows who’s the most beautiful. So she introduced me to her sister and now we’re dating because I’m a super cool space pilot with a scar and who can juggle.
Oh I didn’t tell you about the scar? Yeah well that happened during the battle, when I stubbed my toe I got a scar there. What I didn’t know is that there’s a Flabnark virus that grows in scars, and two days later that virus broke off my foot and became my best friend, Virus Daryl.
Virus Daryl, my new girlfriend, and Jeff are my Zargranabs. Just don’t say that word around any Flabnarkians. And now we have a mission in life: to find our mission in life, and also get 420 gamer money. But now the stakes are up, and there’s only enough for one of us, so it’s a race to the prize.
Except when it does. But not when it doesn’t. You might remember me from last time around. My name is Daryl, and I’m a man on a mission. Ten years ago, before my battle in the Kuiper belt, I may have told you a long story that was a lie before telling you the truth. I’m not gonna do that again. My mission in life is to be more direct in getting to the point.
Just kidding :)
On the day of my battle with the Flabnarks, two terrible things happened. The first is that I stubbed my toe getting in my spaceship. The third is that Death found my home address. And the second? Oh, the second is that my Flabnarkian love was killed. By cancer. A bullet from one of my cancer guns hit her ship, killing her instantly. No amount of juggling can make me forget how much I loved her. But cheap chinese goods and powdered sugar can, so that’s how my war spoils have been spent.
You thought that was true? Because it wasn’t. Except for the caencer bullet part and killing my girlfriend. Also the war part. My mission in life is to find my mission in life, and also make up compelling backstories. Sometimes that means making fake missions in life.
The truth is so much worse. Juggling actually did make me forget my girlfriend, and now I’m single and not even grieving. That’s where my sister comes in. Even though I hadn’t talked to her in years, I knew she could help me. Remember, she’s seen every woman in the world, and knows who’s the most beautiful. So she introduced me to her sister and now we’re dating because I’m a super cool space pilot with a scar and who can juggle.
Oh I didn’t tell you about the scar? Yeah well that happened during the battle, when I stubbed my toe I got a scar there. What I didn’t know is that there’s a Flabnark virus that grows in scars, and two days later that virus broke off my foot and became my best friend, Virus Daryl.
Virus Daryl, my new girlfriend, and Jeff are my Zargranabs. Just don’t say that word around any Flabnarkians. And now we have a mission in life: to find our mission in life, and also get 420 gamer money. But now the stakes are up, and there’s only enough for one of us, so it’s a race to the prize.
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